Sorry but I have to post this even if nobody replies. I've never experienced the type of relationship I'm finding with my psychologist. I'm afraid that I might be too emotional with her and thank her with tears pouring down my face about how much she means to me. I just don't want to stress her out, but I feel like I can't bottle up these emotions much longer.

I'm just soooo grateful to have her in my life because all of my senses tell me she's the first person who's ever genuinely cared for me. Everyone cares to some degree. My parents care about me in their own way but as they've told me & everyone else my entire life, "We took a hands off approach with our son." For example my 5th grade teach tortured me emotionally & physically every day in class & a lot more while alone, so the two girls across the street who were in my class finally told my mom & sister what was happening. My sister was in rage, drove over to the school and yelled at him, but my mom & dad stayed home, did nothing, never even ask me if I was okay.

I can see in my therapist eyes that she cares about me more than I ever knew someone could care for someone else. It honestly feels so good, words can't describe. It brings tears to my eyes every time. She's spent a lot of time outside her office doing things to help me. She charges me a lot less than her normal asking price because I don't have much money, but many times I've begged her to charge me the normal price because she's more than worth it, but she refuses. Next time I see her I'm afraid I might break down crying so hard telling her how much she means to me, but I feel like guys don't do that.

I really don't know how to view her. I've always had this idea what therapists were like, but it's nothing like that. I've read that it's against therapists code of ethics to be friends with their patients/clients outside of office. So does that mean she doesn't see me as a friend? I would really like to know how she sees me but I'm afraid to ask her. Am I just someone she cares about during session, but the moment session ends I'm out of her mind and just a client?