when you talked about familiar anguish it reminded me of a poem i once wrote:

"Sadness, My Muse"

Oh Anguish, oh Sadness,
Come to me and be my muse
Life has been so lonesome here
Without your thoughtful words
I felt your smile upon my life
But quick it went away
And the numbness that consumed me then
Would haunt me day by day.

Every 'morn I wake with thoughts
And your presence I can feel
But as fleeting as they've always been,
I hid them in my fear.
I feel the need to bleed for you
How constant its become
But the blood will bring me further down
Till the emptiness has won.

And oh, how happy things I see
Can bring me to your thoughs,
For its the acts of kindness, good and true,
That show how fleeting are my wants.
By day I see the good around
And maybe just for me
But when at night I go alone
You are all I see.

I'm sorry, Sadness, for how I covet
The happiness - your foe,
But I know that life is not for me
So please! Fill me with your woe.
And emptiness my door it taps
With its sermons so entrancing
But I know someday you'll come again
And again we will go dancing.

Sadness, you're the only one for me
By now I know its true.
I know I strayed away so long,
But now we'll start anew.
Again, I'll say it one more time
You're the only one for me
For only in your warm embrace,
I'll create your poetry.

(c)Julie Bowdren, November 12, 2005