Sorry you're feeling so low, Mountainstream. One thing about your post really struck me - "I have been told many times I should be ashamed of myself by experts". My immediate thought was - anyone who would say that to you immediately loses their "expert" credentials, at least in my eyes. But then, I've been misdiagnosed and undiagnosed so many times, so many different issues, that I tend to not put a whole lot of stock in so called 'experts" anyway. No one gets to tell me I'm wrong, or gets to try to shame me, when I'm doing the best that I can. Hoping you're feeling better today.