I think perhaps the one of the biggest pressures I have is what my family and friends will think of me.

Logically I know they will love me unconditionally but I can't help but feel they still judge me deep down. And that kills me. I want to be almost perfect in their eyes.

I just recently told my bro and friend and I got a tsk tsk. I felt like crap. But they don't know what I'm going through.

I look at it this way. Many people say people that are depressed are weak and whimpy. They have no idea what we go through. So how can they even dare begin to judge. I know because at one time I was one of them.

When I'm 90 and on my deathbed none of this will matter. The materialistic things won't matter. My degree wont' matter. The type of car I drive, how much money I have, the amount of my house....it won't matter. My degrees......my medals.....they won't matter. I won't look back on them.

I will look back and remember my happiest moments. The time I spent with my children.....my husband. Going for the long walks on the beautiful nights with the stars out. Taking joy in my children playing. I dont yet have children by the way. Snuggled up in my boyfriends arms whispering sweet nothings. Sitting around a campfire with a few good friends sharing some hotdogs and beer.

Those are what I will look back on....not my schooling.

I want schooling for a better life yes......more money, job I love. But in the meantime I have to focus on the few things that make me happy which right now isn't much unfortunately.

I will finish school. But if I don't it wont'make or break my life. I won't let it.

I think everybody wnats to be happy. Most people equate money and power with happiness. I've learned enough to know that just isn't enough. So I have to focus on what truly will make me happy.

That's the ultimate goal of life....to experience happiness.