Christmas Eve - 6.30 pm and I’m sitting on my hospital bed passing time. Yesterday I had a profound, life changing revelation while talking with a close friend I hadn’t seen for months. It is trauma related so I won’t share details, but the effect was to lift off years of trauma. It feels that I have finally reached a point where I have let go of the trauma, or more to the point, it has released me. This whole year has been leading to this point of release. What better Christmas present could I possibly have!

Don’t get me wrong I am still hurting emotionally, grieving- but I’m FREE!! For the first time in memory I’m free. Last Friday I broke down and lost control. I was almost locked up my distress was immense and high SI. Now I feel joy and freedom my heart is in a good place but my body is beating the toll. The Fibromyalgia is back in full force. I am understandably exhausted. So I have been resting mostly except for a swim at the beach with my niece. We had a blast.


Tomorrow I am starting the day with my Mum taking me to the beach for a 7am swim. A Christmas tradition for me. I need rest, but I feel the ocean will bring healing too. After that I will rest for two hours then go to my sisters with my parents and give presents. Now the trauma is behind me I feel I can enjoy my family. I am beyond relieved. After a few hours there with my sisters husbands family I expect I will be exhausted. I go back to the hospital on Boxing Day and will be discharged the following day.


I made it! I survived! I am finally free. Yes, I have rivers of tears to weep but many of joy as I begin my new life in the new decade that lays before us.


Happy Holidays to all. May you have peace, if even for a moment.