Quote:
Originally Posted by LilyMop
Maybe it would help to try and look at it from another angle. Sometimes that helps and sometimes it doesn’t...
Is it at all possible people are trying to encourage you rather than actually blame you? That can feel like blame. It’s annoying for people to minimize your feelings but maybe they think they are helping?
Maybe people are pointing out where you have some better options? Maybe from someone else’s perspective, your situation just doesn’t look the same as it does to you.
Either way, is there something you can learn from the message they are giving you? I say this because I can think of times people were trying to communicate something to me and I just couldn’t or wouldn’t understand at the time.
If you find that people really are unfairly blaming you, well then you just need to try your best to tune it out. There’s a saying about not taking criticism from someone you would never take advice from. If that’s the case, then kindly move on.
Best wishes to you and I hope you feel better soon. There are plenty of people on PC who will listen without judgment or blame  |
Dark Magician, I do know what it feels like to go through this. When I was at my sickest and trying recover, members of my family blamed me for being sick, like I have control over having been traumatized, by them actually, and what it did to my brain chemistry having experienced abuse and trauma for over 20 years. I remember the abusive phone calls from my stepmom and bio dad accusing me of not doing enough and how they tried to put me in a group home (which was totally inappropriate and no one would have admitted me -they just wanted to get me out of view). I am sorry you are experiencing this too.
I agree with LilyMop that if you wouldnt take advice from these people then listening to their criticism is pointless as well. Sometimes we just have to tune the idiots out.
I went through phases in my recovery where people tried to "help" but their best intentions felt like blame. I doubt their intention is to invalidate you but rather to validate themselves. It's sort of a failing in their empathy towards you.
And as Lily said, you will find plenty of support here and people who can validate you and completely know what you are going through.
I found as I went through stages of recovery that there were some things I was ready to hear and some things I wasnt. They werent necessarily meant in ill will, but since no one else can live in my head, those people couldn't know that those statements were harmful, not helpful. If these people are close to you, the best thing to do is respectfully and politely ask them to not make such a statement and tell them it doesnt help you. I've had that conversation a few times, and it usually led to someone asking what could they say or do to help. And then I often got the help and support I really did need.
I hope this helps a little. I'm sorry you're feeling blamed for your illness. My bio father was super big on that and spread it through my family and it was very harmful. But i have fought back against that kind of thinking and I do feel better standing up for myself in that regard.
We are not to blame for our illness but we are responsible for the recovery or management of it. And that's the unfair part, but it's true. If you are ever feeling judged, shamed, blamed, you can always talk it out with us. We are always here to listen.