Ok, so I might as well make an update since I've got a minute. Still seeming like depression. I went off the bipolar med and feel fine at the moment. (Never really did lose much of the weight I gained though on it, which is a bummer, but at least I'm trying to be more active now as opposed to doing nothing). Still on the antidepressant and anxiety meds. Only seeing my primary care doctor these days, but he's very good and acts like a therapist. Asks if the anxiety med works. I can't honestly say. I mean, I've had less anxiety, but I've been getting into more of a routine with cooking (one of my stressors) and I've been pretty much avoiding driving (another stressor. Last time I did drive, I almost got hit by the bar that comes down before a train. Bleh!
Thinking now about the AD med. Well, I definitely feel much better than last year this time (or was that two years ago? ****, time flies! Now I can't even remember last Christmas! :/) Um, but yeah, doing better every day, but still some underlying negativity. It's just this self doubt about things that gets me I guess. Not sure. Plus, I keep having romantic thoughts about past lovers. (Maybe that's a different discussion? I can't talk to my doc about this though because my husband sits in the meetings, plus I'd feel more comfortable sharing with a woman. No offense men!) Anyway, I guess I just feel like a sadness about their rejections of me though because it was mostly just the physical. Oh but I feel guilty because my husband is so good to me...except maybe he sometimes lacks that sort of something that makes me feel intimately connected to a lover.
I'm getting very personal here today. :/ might edit this post later.

Anyway, yeah, just those ruminating thoughts, doubts about what I really want but need in life... I dunno. Guess it makes me a little ho hum. But generally speaking, things are ok or better even. Oh! I should add that maybe I'm a little upset with hubby because he's always wanting me to do more, be better. Just makes me feel like I'm not good enough as I am. And well, I don't really want to change! I mean, I want him to be happy, but I just don't WANT to put in the effort, but I kinda do. Bleh! Know what I mean?

Anyway, that's me! Hehe