I recently joined a new place of work..everything has been going great, my superiors like my work and im well liked by everyone. Honestly...im not tooting my own horn but im known as the beautiful new girl at the office. I always dress nice even at 6am (heels, earings, dresses, hair done everyday etc). I work long hours and make sure everything is done no matter what.

Unfortunately, I happened to catch the eye of the alpha male at the office in an elevator ride without knowing who he actually was. He pretty much stared at me the whole elevator ride up and just asked me if I worked at XX company and I said yes I had been working there for three months and didn't break eye contact the whole time. Afterwards, we walked to our separate sides of the office.

Since im new and didn't know any better I decided to go around and introduce myself to everyone and landed at his desk. This began regular visits of flirting and talking and coffee runs with each other. Now, my female intuition kicked in and I knew he was completely into me. Other men in the office would notice us together and how I only had eyes for him (I have two confirmed guys at the office that like me but I have no interest in them).

Me and this guy have a 10 year age gap and I would always play around with him and ask questions that were just silly and no one would dare ask such a senior guy etc etc.

Well one day I decided to tell him that I had a crush on him (I KNOW PRETTY STUPID!!!) He quickly told me he was married - he doesn't wear a ring. I apologized and said that I didn't know and I really coudnt ask anyone (its kinda risky to just go around asking about main guy's single/married status). Ever since that day things have been awkward, he avoids me, he doesn't smile as much, we did run into each other a couple of times after that when he ran over like a puppy dog when me and my coworker waved him over. And one day I went over at his desk to give him something and he wouldn't stop staring at me, he became zoned out and I had to snap him out of it to direct his attention to the stuff I was delivering to him.

I am a single never married/ no kids / no drama person. But I feel weird that now he thinks im a total nutcase. After this incident I started going out and meeting new people. But I just regret confessing to him. I also feel hurt that he became defensive when I told him that I had a crush on him, considering that he still wont stop staring after the whole confession even though we don't interact as much. I enjoyed us just flirting with our eyes and having a secret noone knew about. Although my co worker openly told me that you could tell by his body language that he was completely into m.

I was able to see his wife at a get together couple of weeks later. There seemed to be distance between them, even though she was there he didn't sit and eat dinner with her, he was just standing around and looking while his immediate colleagues were all with their wives. Something didn't seem right between them. They did kiss when they were leaving but even my friend said that something was weird between them.

My issue is that I have met other people after him but I just wish that I WOULD HAVE NEVER MET HIM. There are two other new girls at the office after me, but they don't get the same attention I do or the types of looks that I do. I have to sort through my emotions and figure out how to forget about our brief flirting. He represents everything I want in a man, he is aggressive when needed, takes control of things, is seen as a mentor, is successful, just exactly what I would want in a man. My other dates after that compare nothing to him. We used to talk on our company instant message (just general things) but that stopped also now.

I just don't know why he led me on.
I have been celibate for 8 years (almost 9 in 2020) and not even kissed a guy (yes that's the truth). People think I can get anyone I want, but that's not true at all. I have not had a relationship in 8 years and this was the first guy that came along and blew up my world.
Now im just confused.
im trying to keep moving forward but I just don't know why he did what he did...