Our illness causes problems with judgment and behavior. I would not blame yourself but realize that you have an illness which takes over and causes problems. The best advice I can offer is to remain stable by taking your medication and continue seeing your healthcare professionals who are your lifeline. I think you can still marry as long as you take care of yourself and your illness. I would not let others dictate you. You should do what is best for you and makes you happy. I'm sure if you are doing well, some man will be happy to marry you. So, please don't despair and have a Happy Holiday Season!