I think anger is meant to be a motivator. It's strong enough to get through to us and let us know there's a problem. It's like the guages on machinery that tell the operator somethings gonna blow if corrective action isn't taken.

I really like how you played the movie ahead on fast forward to see what you were doing, how you expected your T to respond. Good trick that.

I think we can give the anger, as red hot "rocks" kind of like you describe to our T's and their "gentle" coolness, etc. will help soothe and quench it like Alexandra suggests. Don't confuse "gentle" with "weak". Your T has a lot of iron in her too, as I'm sure you know Your feelings aren't going to hurt your T, she won't let you/them.

I like too how you associated the anger with your adoptive parents style of anger usage. The book I read on anger, the author was continuously humiliated by a boss who would put her down because she didn't have enough education, couldn't do "that" job, etc. so she got angry enough she back to school and got more education and a better job than her boss had and made more of herself (wrote books, etc.). She was really greatful to the boss for making her angry :-) Sounds like you are using your anger well too, to get more healthy and grow into the kind of adult you wish to be.