well... i think there is a value to feeling the anger, yeah. to acknowledging it. accepting it. feeling it.

but then sometimes it can be a hole that sucks us in and we are in danger of getting lost... thats how it can be for me sometimes, at any rate. and when that happens... then focusing on things that help me feel soothed and loved and cared for really help me not lose the plot completely.

its hard... finding the balance.

you know i used to do mindfulness meditation exercises. started out doing it by focusing on how my breathing felt. but then... sometimes i'd do it by focusing on how i was feeling. just observing the feelings and neither clinging to them nor pushing them away.

got to experience anger coming and going in waves... i never knew emotions ebbed and flowed like that. other emotions too. pain. sadness / grief. sometimes a wave of intense anger followed by a wave of intense grief. followed by a mental image of something soothing and a touch of soothing and then back to the anger again. an emotional roller coaster indeed.

sometimes its like... i'm alright in the backseat of the car if i keep my eyes on the horizon and kind of internally pretend to drive such that i'm anticipating turning and brakeing. if i'm not attending to the horizon... then it feels so much more out of control and unpredictable and i just want to throw up.

hang in there.