Hi,

I am so glad you posted this as it is exactly what I have been suffering from this past year. I have had what I now understand as Pure OCD since my early twenties. Especially around Christmas time this is ruining my life.
My most severe episode has been this past year when in June/July I had a trigger where on a walk around the park I became convinced I had murdered someone. I tried to rationalise this but the thought would not budge. It even got so far as ‘picturing’ the event in my head and this served only to make it seem real when in fact it was completely the opposite. I had all sorts of anxiety related symptoms in response to this and I never felt so ill. It lead me to having to obsessively film myself in public because I did not trust my memory.
This December has been hands down the worst month of mental health I have ever had. The run up to Christmas has been horrendous and even the day itself presented a false memory. I started on Mirtazapine a few months ago and I started to become sensitive to it by not being able to sleep on it. I suddenly stopped it A couple of weeks ago just so I could sleep. The withdrawal symptoms were so intense I went back on a low dose. I have since been unable to sleep again so taken the decision to come back off it. It’s ironic that I went on Mirtazapine to control the my mind generating false memories only for it to make the situation much much worse as when I am tired I am more susceptible to false memories.
Apologies for the long post but needed to get it off my chest.