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Fuzzybear · Dec 26, 2019, 04:44 PM

Thanks for this post, hugs to you

Quote:

Originally Posted by eskielover

Are you too nice because your abusers taught you that it is never ok to say no, or contradict them? Is this how you learned to relate to people because as a child you never learned it is ok to respond any other way?

One thing as adults we have to remember is that our brains have neuroplasticity. That means those old neuropathways you were taught as a kid, can be REPROGRAMMED into more functional ways of thinking & responding to others. But it takes practicing the new way until it becomes second nature.

It can also be a conflict issue. If you were taught to not make waves & to not express yourself as a child because it was not an ok thing to do, as an adult you have to reprogram that thinking & it feels very uncomfortable to create the conflict by expressing yourself when you were never allowed to growing up. That is all part of the process it takes to reprogram those old neuropathways into who & what you want to be NOW.

lol....sometimes I don't just walk away from something before I totally blow up the bridge. It usually creates no way back, but in REALITY, I don't want to go back anyway if it gets to that point.

I found the section in DBT called "Interpersonal Effectiveness" to really help in this area. It helps put together our thoughts & OUR NEEDS in ways of expressing them so that we can get our voice heard. It usually helps to put together our thoughts & express them in a more diplomatic way so the opposing view point will be more willing to listen. However I have encountered times when they won't & I have walked away. That happened with the pain specialist I was going to a few years ago. They cast their policy in concrete no matter how badly it hurt all their patients. I expressed my point of view to no avail, so I walked away. I am 100% glad I did now.....but there was a time after I did it, I did wonder if it was the right choice. Things aren't always black & white when choices are involved but I am glad I stood up for what I believed. Interesting because I now hear my same points becoming expressed by others in the field. Standing up against countering thinking will NEVER be a comfortable, non-anxiety creating action.....but it sure feels good to finally express our needs & wants.

I didn't get this until I was in my 60's...
So we always have hope for change within ourselves.