I know I have done and said some terrible things in my life. Just to give a concrete example I once struck my cat when it scratched me. The same cat now frequently curls up on my lap and is often times almost annoyingly affectionate, but sometimes I can see him still watching my hand very carefully when I pet him in certain positions. I have been feeling this way for weeks now and it has been keeping me up at night. At times I feel like I am going to cry and at other times I feel nearly physically ill. Forgiving myself and having compassion for myself sound like meaningless platitudes.