I hear you about not being able to be direct, since he won't likely listen to you. It's too bad for him though, as it sounds like he's really screwing up his life and relationships. It seems like people don't change though unless they have to (i.e. unless their life gets so bad that they suddenly wonder, "what am I doing wrong and how do I fix it?") - so maybe cutting off contact with him (and his wife leaving, and him having no where to go) would, in the end, push him to examine his behavior?.