I think I’m numb so I don’t know if that’s better. I’m not enacting negative coping mechanisms solely because I don’t want to fight. I’m worried my general functioning is plummeting. It’s not that high to begin with. H wants to talk to T. I’m at the point that I’m laughing about it because it’s funny how true I believe it is when H keeps telling me it’s not going to happen. I know laughing about possible psychosis is probably not the healthiest thing to do but it’s laugh and crack jokes or cry. I’m really avoid crying. I don’t want to go to therapy because I’ll be taken seriously (if she reads) and I might crack. The idea of telling someone outside PC/H what I’m afraid of sounds silly. I don’t want to have to say why and I’m not good with confrontation. I’d rather not eat my fears but H is making sure that’s not happening. H says as long as I don’t lie to him he’ll advocate to keep me out of the hospital. However he only knows what I’m scared of right now. He doesn’t know because of the flight or fight feeling I was having. This T doesn’t even know I have ED flare ups.