Hi everyone,

Like many posts that I've read, I haven't been officially diagnosed with SPD yet but I think I have it since a lot of my behavior fits the criteria perfectly. My wife actually brought it up to me over a year ago after noticing the patterns for a long time and since then I have been educating myself on the condition. I started self treatment with an audio book and 1-2 months of online therapy but had to cut it short because I relocated. Both were very helpful though particularly since finding a therapist who has experience diagnosing and treating it has been difficult. Fortunately, I found a PsyD who has experience with SPD that I finally got an appointment with after talking to him back and forth about availability for about a year so I'm happy about that.

Some background information: I initially suffered from anxiety/depression/OCD from my late teens onward (I'm almost 47 now) that went undiagnosed and untreated up until about 3 years ago when, again, my wife had a sobering conversation with me about how it was adversely affecting our relationship and our young daughter so I sought treatment immediately from a Psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with chronic, low-grade depression and treated me with Lexapro initially followed by the addition of Wellbutrin for added effect which has helped significantly but is not perfect. It gives me night sweats, makes me very sleepy and crushes my already-low libido with the latter being the most problematic issue right now.

After being on the Wellbutrin for over two years I gradually discontinued it on my own about a month ago in an attempt to ease up the somulence and low libido side affects and I'm still doing well on the Lexapro alone.

After high school, I never had any long-terms friends that I stay in touch with at all. I've met a lot of nice people, short-term friends and acquaintances over the last 20-25 years but nothing "sticks" long term. I only had one HS friend at my wedding in 2011 and by then we had not seen each other in quite a few years but I still invited him to my wedding. I haven't seen him since. In all fairness, I did make an effort on several occasions to reach out to people I had been friends/friendly with at various stages of my life but it was never reciprocated so I got turned off quickly to the point where I haven't reached out to anyone in many years and have no desire to or desire to make new friends.

I love my solitary activities and alone time so my wife and I came to a "socialization" agreement where we socialize with couple friends on a fairly regular basis which took some time but I do genuinely enjoy it in limited doses. I was also not an engaged father to my 7 1/2 daughter which I have taken drastic steps to improve on and things are much better now.

My biggest concern right now is my marriage - specifically my sex life which my wife has brought up to me several times over the last few years. She does not like the fact that I do not initiate intimacy at all, ever! Let's not say ever, but extremely infrequently to the point where many months will go by with no sex. Now, between me being 47 in a few days, on the libido-killer Lexapro/Wellbutrin and likely having SPD - we can see what my wife and I are up against. To be fair, she is no sexual dynamo either. She doesn't want it that often but she also NEVER initiates because she thinks the man is always suppose to do that which I disagree with. I'm initiating more than half of the time but, after being together 10 years, it would be a real turn on if she initiated and took what she wanted. I can get aroused, have an orgasm, am attracted to her and desire to have sex when turned on so I don't think I'm a hopeless SPD case as she has sometimes eluded to.

FYI, she's 45 y/o and suffers from PMDD (think PMS on steroids!) for which she takes Zoloft which kills her own libido so it's not all me. We haven't had any intimacy in over 6 months but the last two times we did I initiated. When we go this long without sex she feels distant increasingly uninterested in having sex although it doesn't take much to get her back on track.

I love my wife and daughter and I'm committed to doing whatever possible to improve this part of my life. I have good intentions, am optimistic about my chances at a successful marriage and don't think I'm a severe case but at times I'm also disheartened to know there is no cure for SPD and that this is going to be a life long struggle to live WITH it and not get over it and be cured.

My first appt to discuss all of this with my PsyD therapist is next week!