I feel as though I have started "living" (at least in my head) more in the past than now and I sense the future shortening. I am 67 and this began a few years ago I think. Just too many intrusive thoughts from too long ago...
I fear driving myself (and inadvertently my adult kids somehow) to self/mom loathing. Appearance too. I am physically healthy but my teeth are not good and I'm looking old in the face for sure...when I was younger I really wasn't appearance conscious, as long as I felt well I was fine. Nothing special but OK.
Now I have moments of wanting to hide from the world as I am so "repulsive". I do not see other people that way. And when I am actually out I don't feel, usually, as if they see me that way. I obsess over nonsense. I need an engrossing project.
It is one reason I decided to retire. The other was that I felt I could no longer keep it together all the time, just tired of the long struggle with problems I couldn't share but endured. Like many others. ....?anyone else. (ps: it isn't an EveryDay thing but it does take me down and away too often)...and regrets even though things actually went better than they "should" have and I truly have a decent life. Tired of the assault of unwanted emotions and thoughts.
Am I more tired than when I was younger? No, but then I was so busy....and I do NOT want to be busy all the time....I want to learn solitude