Usually when my grandparents were alive, we used to have a fairly nice Christmas. Family together, presents sharing, Christmas tree, music, etc. However ever since my terminally ill grandmother died last year, my parents and I really do not celebrate Christmas much.

This Christmas, I essentially was alone throughout the day. I just went into the Japantown of my city, ate in a restaurant alone, and walked around alone. Of course people stared when I ate alone, like usual. I saw a lot of couples walking together, although most of them were tourists from countries such as South Korea, China, Hong Kong and of course Japan. Even so, it made me feel even more lonely. Ever since this Wednesday, I feel like I fell into a bit of a mini-depressive state. It made me feel like life is changing, and it is only getting lonelier as time passes.

I was doing alright before, having my self-esteem and self-confidence slowly increasing. But these past couple of days I have been feeling quite sad. I guess that many already know about my having turned 30 and being single/virgin, etc. But this decade is coming to a close soon, and the New Year is next Wednesday. I feel a mix of anxiety and a bit of depression looking back now at my life how in my 20s, I did not accomplish a lot of what I wanted to do.

In effect, as of right now I have zero friends and barely any acquaintances. Perhaps one or two acquaintances from social gatherings/meetups, but they are distant acquaintances, not close ones. If I go out, I usually go out all by myself. Others have a girlfriend, or a wife, plus friends.

Is anyone in a similar situation, and what did you to at least make your holiday season a bit more pleasant?