Quote:
Originally Posted by bpcyclist
I am sorry you are struggling with this, Lily. I really connect with you on this topic, though. Ultimately and in the end, for me, I just feel like I am too much for people. Too much stuff. All the hospitalizations. Blowing up a big career. The divorce and being unable to see my son and, to a lesser extent, my daughter (at least she writes me). Tons of "friends" who do not speak to me anymore. It's all just more than people want to deal with.
I have come to the conclusion that people want easy. And we are not easy. At least, I am not. The folks who really stick by us after all we've done and been through, they are very rare, indeed. This is why PC is so special and vital to me. You guys get it. I don't have to explain everything.
Anyhoo, I would think chasing after people is probably the road to nowhere--not that you are doing that. I personally would put my energy into the places it is appreciated and not worry about the rest. As I try to remind myself, what other people think and feel about me is not really any of my business.
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You make some good points here. Chasing after people is definitely a road to nowhere. I’ve been placing my happiness externally on others and that’s the whole reason for my breakdown in the first place. That’s the whole reason I’m going to counseling and trying to build myself back up.
I am not an easy person either. I don’t conform and I go my own path - even when it’s a lonely path. I make life more difficult for myself than it needs to be. I guess we have to ask ourselves what can we live with when we make decisions. I say that because I’ve made many careful decisions but I’ve been regretting those decisions lately.
My counselor has advised I put my energy back into myself at this point. I need to listen to that advice. Maybe it’s ok to feel invisible once in a while? So we can regroup and get better?
Thank you for taking the time to offer kind and encouraging words. [emoji3590]