Quote:
Originally Posted by alittlelikemusic
Is anyone diagnosed with PTSD not associated with combat or sexual assault? I feel like most of the PTSD topics always cover these two things more than anything else. No offense to those who do have PTSD as a result of combat or sexual abuse. I'm not treating your symptoms as overrated or anything. This post is just to reach out to others like myself.
I was diagnosed with PTSD because I grew up in a family that constantly used intimidation to control me (threatening me to get good grades in school, telling me I'm a burden because I'm incompetent, invalidating my opinions, acting like they'll hurt me because I'm not living up to their expectations, getting pissed at me because I can't hold down a job, making sure I know I'm worthless because I'm lazy, threatening me for self-injuring, having to watch everyone scream at each other and physically fight each other and then trembling in fear that I'll get jumped next, having alcoholic parents and siblings, getting strangled by a drunk sibling, being screamed at for vague reasons, watching my parents physically abuse my pets, listening to the horror stories my siblings told me about how our parents treated them growing up, but then having them treat me like crap the way our parents did to them, etc. etc.).
Too Long Didn't Read: Basically, has anyone been diagnosed due to growing up in a war zone at home? And also getting bullied when you were in school?
I'm 27 years old now, but this has all stayed with me. It doesn't help that I still live with my mother, a place that is still pretty much a war zone for me. Like I said before, I can't hold down a job so this is pretty much my life, stepping on eggshells every day while trying to hold it together.
Obviously, I can't seek support from family. I attempted to bring up my problems in the past and got shut down hard. I just get called a failure and looked at like I'm a freak. My mom makes fun of me and likes to call me crazy and would ridicule me when she would catch me taking antidepressants.
That was a lot of rambling...
Sorry about that. But can anyone relate? At all?
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Yes , I can relate completely. Im 50 now but still have issues related to being emotionally & physically abused pretty much my entire life by my mother & step father and others in my family excluding my real father. My dad was the only person in my family who loved me unconditionally , accepted me , understood me, respected me and nurtured me. My mom was & is a insensitive , toxic , controling , belittling, cold , verbally & physically ( continue far beyond my childhood into adulthood) abusive narcissist.
My ptsd is a combination of childhood trauma and several other traumas I went through . I In 2001 my fiance died suddenly of a heartache at only 32 yrs old. It devastated me . He was the love of my life. He was strong , healthy and handsome so it was a shock when he suddenly passed away . We didnt know he had a heart condition from birth that was never diagnosed .
I was never the same after he passed away & shattered my heart . I was just starting to move on with my life when in 2003 I was in a near fatal automobile accident which devastated my life once again . I needed 7 surgeries to repair my shattered collarbone and I lost everything...my job , my car ( obviously) , my home. I had 2 small children and single so I had to move back in with my mother & stepfather after my accident until I could get back on my feet & recooperate.
My mom used my accident to blame me though I wasnt at fault it was a hit n run but she somehow made me feel I caused it and made me feel like we were a burden. She used my loss to take control and try to take my 2 girls from me. She took advantage of my situation to gain the upperhand and made it almost impossible to get back on my feet. She enjoyed knowing she once again had control over my life like she did when I was a child.
It took me a decade to get back on my feet and learn to not let her & my family bring me down. You just have to realize some people are toxic & incapable of empathy ,love , compassion etc and sadly these people like myself could be the only family you have. Your family is supposed to love you unconditionally and nurture you not tear you down . Your family are the exact people you are supposed to make you feel safe & comforted and loved but in my case it was the exact opposite.
The only person besides my 2 beautiful daughters , my fiance who passed away and my real father who died last yr ( another devastating trauma ) and I lost contact with after my parents divorced and my mom purposely did everything humanly possible to keep my dad from finding us.
You are still young and have your whole life in front of you. My advice to you is to stop internalizing all the toxicity that your family is beating into you. You did nothing wrong . They for whatever sick reasons hate themselves and see good in you which makes them try to destroy it & you to make themselves feel better they have to tear you down .
Once you realize its not you thats to blame and that you deserve better then they treat you .... thats when you can get the strength to tune them out and if you have to cut them out of your life. They wont change unless they want to and their more than likely in denial they are the problem so the Only thing you can do is change the environment and rid yourself of negative toxic people even if they are your family.
Believe me it does you know good suffering at their hands needlessly. I didnt realize I could be so happy once I cut them out of my life and chose to only have people in my life who were positive influence. I wish you the courage , strength and faith in yourself to overcome this and start living a life removed from toxic ugly people.
Good luck & God bless you. You can do it. Dont waste one more moment miserable when you can be free of it and have a life surrounded by love. Vm