I blamed myself for a lot of things when I was an active alcoholic. I am an alcoholic in recovery and am proud of the person I am today. But the first few years i was ridden with guilt over what I put my family through, how it affected my children. My middle daughter has bipolar and addictions issues and I struggle with blame because i sometimes feel it was my genetics combined with the unhealthy environment that caused this for her. My friend who has been sober for a long time told me something simple: "that was then this is now". I have made amends and made positive changes and am no longer the person I used to be. I can only work forward and cant change the past. I have stopped punishing myself for my past and make an effort to make my future stable, loving and safe.
What you have gone through and experienced,and how it affected you and others was 'then'. What you do going forward is 'now'.
"that was then this is now."