Hi,

I am new here and am struggling with knowing how to best support my 28-year-old son, who is married to a young woman with severe mental health issues. He has known her since elementary school and has always loved her, but she has a host of problems, with diagnoses of ptsd, depression and anxiety. Her symptoms have really flared up, and she fits the description of borderline personality disorder, from what I've read.

My main concern is for my son at this point, who knows he is being emotionally abused by this woman but is so desperate to help her. She hops from one therapist to the next, but doesn't seem ready to stick to a real treatment plan. I admire them both for trying to work things out, but my son is the scapegoat for some very abusive behavior, some of which I've witnessed. He gets upset but then reverts later to diminishing/denying the extent of the abuse. Meanwhile, this is affecting his relationship with his brother, his friends and me, and I fear he is going to lose himself and become more isolated if this persists.

Long story short, I am trying to be supportive but finding it very hard to say the right things without becoming emotional or speaking badly about her, which just pushes him away.

Any thoughts here on how I can remain in his life and what to specifically say to voice my concerns but not lose my access to him? They live out of state and when we are in the same locale, he spends most of the time with her and her family, probably out of fear of making her mad.

Thank you.