Quote:
Originally Posted by Have Hope
It sounds like you know your own needs and boundaries, and drug addiction, or drug use, is a boundary and line. It's great he's in rehab and it's wonderful you two found one another, but he will need to stick to 100% abstinence when he gets out...
the question you have to ask yourself is are you willing to stick it through with him through this struggle? While you also need to maintain your own sobriety? Drug users most typically go back to using and have to revisit rehab several times. I've seen it happen firsthand.
You may miss him terribly, but do you think you may have a dependency issue with him? It's one thing to miss someone deeply, yet another to completely neglect one's self-care. That sounds like dependency and love addiction to me. Healthy love means you may miss someone, but you go on with your life and take care of yourself and your own needs. It sounds a bit worrisome to me on both fronts.
Try to take care of your own needs, and I encourage you to also think about the question I've posed. This could become problematic for you and may threaten your own sobriety.
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You basically addressed everything I've feared. I know that as long as he is living where he's living, he may revert back - and it will probably be a constant struggle for the both of us in the long run.
The love addiction and co-dependency is also a real situation - because every day it's ripping me apart - I have let my studies slip with school, I've let myself go with self-care, and I've stopped my job search because I literally can't get out of bed. Today is a better day - even though I am STILL not doing what I am supposed to be doing even though my professor gave me an extension, I don't know why I can't get my damn head together to do my work.
I need to pull myself out of this, not pull myself out by breaking up with him, but pull my head out enough, so I take care of myself.
I really do love him, and I really want to stand by him, but I need to take care of myself, I really do.
Thank you for the objective and helpful advice. I really appreciate it.
Hugs.