Sabrina,
I read your post and felt compelled to respond.
I think everybody here understands what your facing. We are very much alike in as far as this drinking even when we don’t want to goes.
I can’t count how many times I said to my self, “I’m not going to drink today, I was as serious as a heart attack when I said it, but 12 to 14 hours later I was blind drunk all over again. I repeated that pattern over and over for years. The appointed hour would arrive, and I would just change my mind. Every single time.
There is a school of thought that puts forward the notion that I’m not a weak person, I’m not a bad person, but that I am suffering from a diisease. This school of thought also puts forward the notion that will power alone many times is insufficient to stop me from drinking.
There are many paths to sobriety, but almost without exception, they all use a "we" approach as apposed to going it alone.
Sabrina, find another woman, who like you, is trying not to drink just for today. And possibly the two of you can do something together that neither of you could do alone.
Tomorrow is indeed another day.

Your friend on this long strange trip
Shadowalker164