The only technique I have ever used that worked at least in part was to walk away.

I do not think bullies and abusers change. They just move on to fresh victims.

However, that said, I am now going to repay the trash I get with a "wow, that was trash" response. Oh, not in the same vein, not at all, I won't allow a devil in a meat suit to force me to their subterranean level. But the next time someone (and here I am thinking of situations at work and in my personal life offline) pulls something abusive or says something rude and low class, I'm going to respond with "I don't put up with abuse" or "I'm not interested in your low-class filthy comment" or whatever suits the occasion.

Here is why. Every abuser and bully I have ever had the misfortune to encounter demanded a response. Not responding, which is what I was taught to do, always elicited an escalation of their filth. No abuser or bully will ever give brownie points for maintaining my calm or remaining polite. They will see me as a weakling and deserving of crud treatment and they will pile it on. The reality is bullies and abusers are weak, cheap, lazy people and they prefer targeting the sure thing; just as the weakest of thugs target frail elderly people. Of course someone trying to rise above the societal mud isn't frail or a weakling--but the fact remains that low people view it as such, and they act accordingly.

There is another reason why staying silent or remaining polite and not addressing the egregious behavior of a crass, rude, boor or an abusive bum, or a bullying coworker does not work. At the point where these creeps pull out all the stops and you finally react -- sometimes hysterically -- they get their payoff and at the same time any bystanders will ONLY see what you have said/done...and why is that?? Because they will have no history of the abuse this creep has piled onto you: "I don't know why Tom went off like that--he's never said **** bothered him...although I did hear from Harry that **** said Tom is rotten to him when no one is around..." <yes, abusers and bullies are both covert and overt> You will come out the loser and I guarantee you **** will do one of two things (or both): continue to abuse you or continue to tell people how you are covertly abusing him. **** may also select a new victim to start his sick process all over again--in fact every bully and abuser I have ever known has more than one victim at a time; just the degree differs.

So from now on, I'm going to employ these techniques: I will still select walking away as the most convenient option for myself under certain circumstances: Some drunken jerk on the street says, "Yer ugly, gimme some money!" I'll neatly sidestep and keep on walking.

But when a dinner guest next says to me: "Yeah, I laughed at you when you made that mistake" I will reply: "That's low behavior. I don't put up with insults. You're insulting."

'But they might just continue to laugh at you', you might be thinking. Of course. Bullies gonna bully and abusers gonna abuse. But they won't be doing it ignorant of what I think of their trash behavior. And when I prove my point by then getting up and walking away, that will be the punctuation.

You have to decide what you are going to put up with; and why; and proceed accordingly. That is what I am going to do.