Recently, I've been trying to get a 40 year old to clean up after themselves and getting a lot of stonewalling and toxic behavior. She ignores me completely unless I open her bedroom door to make essential communications. Then she glares from her bed and grunts terse replies. I don't like this person, but her extra hostility is making me nervous because she controls all the household money. But I'm getting distracted from my issue.

Yesterday, I reminded her to empty the wastebasket she had stuffed full of used sanitary napkins because trash pickup was this morning. She didn't do it and I hesitated to bring it up again because she has been giving me the silent treatment since we had a fight about her leaving dog poop in another wastebasket.

So the used napkins are still in a wastebasket that doesn't even have a plastic liner in it. I don't use that wastebasket and I find it too debasing to take out her bloody napkins after she started gaslighting and trying to convince me I never do housework. I do often pick up used pads from the floor. Sometimes I have even found hard dried ones from years ago in different parts of the house (sorry if this is grossing you out).

The problem is that I used to clean up after her until her habits grew so extreme that I can't keep up with the mess.

I know some people struggle to get teenage girls to properly dispose of sanitary napkins at home. Does anyone have tips on how to handle a middle aged person who behaves like a toxic defiant teenager?