Hello all,

Short background info: my ex T and I had erotic and/or romantic transference and countertransference issues. I left him a few months ago, amongst other things because of this. I still feel loving feelings when I think of him, and I think obsessively about him. I mean every morning, every night, and also during the day depending on how busy I am. Last week, I texted him (WhatsApp), he replied, we texted back and forth for a little bit (one evening, and not a lot of messages in total). He eventually said he had to stop messaging and had to ask me to do the same. I thought this would help me to let it go a little bit.

However, I still find myself thinking about him all the time. This undoubtedly has to do with the fact that I have the time to think about him, but that's another issue. I keep checking his online status. I also keep thinking about texting him. Part of the reason I texted him was the anticipation he would like it (otherwise I wouldn't have had the guts to). He clearly did, or he wouldn't have replied in the first place. Of course he said we had to stop, but it feels as if he did not want it to stop. I think this is the reason I keep going back to thinking about texting him. I am so annoyed by this and my own weak character.

I'm afraid that others may not understand, and may judge me for being so overly involved. I'm not happy about it either, that's why I want to find a solution.

I thought of asking him to block my number. Obviously, I could block him myself. However, I've done that previously with other guys I was interested in, and unblocking takes 2 seconds, so that doesn't help me. If he blocks me, I cannot text him anymore, which would speed up the process of not obsessing about that.

Asking him to block me, however, is also acknowledging this weakness on my part. I feel it may come across as pathetic, or even as me trying to show him how difficult it all is for me. This is not my intention at all (or is it --- I do feel really annoyed at the fact he told me about his attraction. I think I would have felt less involved now if he hadn't, because my feelings increased after his telling me. So perhaps in some way, I want to annoy him. But the other motivation also still stands - I just want to get over this, I'm sick of it).

I've considered whether this is just a pretext for me to be able to contact him, but I can refute that, because the whole point of this is not to be able to contact him in the future. (or only through e-mail, but that's a completely different medium without the same seductive quality to it).

With other guys I meet, I would never ask them to block me for fear of losing my sense of dignity. Here, that's not my concern. I just want to make things easier for myself, and I don't want to deal with things I consider I shouldn't have to deal with. What I mean by that is: I went to him to get help, not to get involved in a slightly messy therapeutic relationship. (yes, this is definitely anger. I will also talk this through with my current T. I need to find another way to deal with the anger towards the ex T anyway, I think).

If anyone feels like sharing their thoughts on this, I would really appreciate it. It's no terribly profound issue, but I'm interested to read how others think about it.