I am sorry you are struggling at the moment. Hopefully you can talk to a t about it (same or new).

I’d not worry about hair color. That’s just superficial feature plus women change hair color and length all the time.

I’d also not worry about him not telling you that his ex calls his parents. It’s not like she calls him or he has any kind of control over who his ex calls. I really don’t think it’s something to disclose as it’s just of no importance. My brother keeps in touch with my ex husband. And I keep in touch with my ex in laws. Even if I didn’t want my brother to talk to my ex for some weird reason, I’d not have any control over it plus I just don’t see how it’s important to my current marriage. Now if your husband and his ex secretly talked to each other a lot and they had no kids, I’d not like that. But what other family members do, who cares.

As about kissing other women it’s a bit bothersome but then again he shared that with you (he didn’t have to), so perhaps it was just a mistake. Was he drinking? Was his marriage already ending? Does he feel bad about it?

Is there something else in your marriage that you sense is going wrong so you subconsciously worry about him cheating rather than about other real things that might bother you? If everything else is going well why would you worry about him cheating? If there are other real concerns, are you addressing them with him? Or is this the only concern?