This is something you wanted to have happen with your mother too though, you wanted a parent you could change, to get that parent to see how worthy you were to love. You have a deep desire to FIX it when you experience an emotionally unavailable person in this case a significant other.

This is what codependents and enablers do and they never really CHANGE the person they hope to change. They walk away only to sit and ponder what they could try next to get the change they want. This is exactly what abusers and toxic people want, they even bait for it by being nice or saying they miss the person they only want to use and control again.

You are trying to find a way to overcome whatever you could not change or fix and this goes way back for you. You have developed a habit with this and it's never going to be something positive for you.