Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
This is something you wanted to have happen with your mother too though, you wanted a parent you could change, to get that parent to see how worthy you were to love. You have a deep desire to FIX it when you experience an emotionally unavailable person in this case a significant other.
This is what codependents and enablers do and they never really CHANGE the person they hope to change. They walk away only to sit and ponder what they could try next to get the change they want. This is exactly what abusers and toxic people want, they even bait for it by being nice or saying they miss the person they only want to use and control again.
You are trying to find a way to overcome whatever you could not change or fix and this goes way back for you. You have developed a habit with this and it's never going to be something positive for you.
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You know, @
Open Eyes, you bring up something really important here.
This is SO true. We often find ourselves in relationships familiar to our parental relationship in order to fix what was wrong in the parental one. And that pattern often repeats itself again and again and again, until it's finally resolved within the person who is repeating the pattern.
I learned in my own life that instead of looking to a man to give me the love I never received as a child, that I had to give it to MYSELF. The love, the validation and that unconditional acceptance of who I am.... I am still working on this.
And yes, @
Gymgirl71, it seems you may be doing what Open Eyes is suggesting.
Maybe it's time to work on some self-love and self-acceptance first?