HI Blue!

Oh No! This has been a triggering topic for you for quite sometime. We have chatted about this a few times because your T has brought up this topic. I think she would know by now that this is a trigger for you? It may be that she does know yet thinks you need to address this in therapy? Is she just saying this (as in just stating this) or is she asking questions of you in order to understand your viewpoint?

It is also possible she is thinking of some therapeutic goals for 2020. If she was doing so and has not mentioned this, it may be that she is (in her own head) identifying areas to work on in 2020. Even when we might not set goals with a therapist, some insurers insist upon goals and a plan in order to continue reimbursement for therapy.

Additionally, some insurers insist on an practitioner "rating" a client by using the Global Level of Functioning Scale (GAFS).
That scale is here: https://www.albany.edu/counseling_center/docs/GAF.pdf

I know my pdoc has to use this with me at least twice a year, for my insurer.
She also had to use it for the SSDI application/review process.

Some practitioners think of their client's current GAF standing, and identify some therapeutic goals for their client, by going over this assessment tool. As you may know, a part of this assessment, on any level, is socialization. Your T may or may not use this scale. Your insurer may or may not demand she rate your standing/behavior/current status by using this tool.

I, personally, do not agree with the use of this tool. Upon review, you may notice scenarios can be very different than as noted in any one place on the scale. While someone may have some deficits in some areas, they may not have deficits in another area. I feel like this tool does not allow for these differences, which can be marked. This does not provide an accurate picture of all areas of one's life, in my very humble opinion.

I realize we have an "online" relationship with you. For whatever it is worth, you are one of my favorite people with whom to interact.
You have many interpersonal skills when we interact. You are also very intelligent and insightful, while never looking down upon anyone else.
I find you as very friendly, very interesting, very helpful, very charitable and more. You also have a great sense of humor.
I have seen a picture of you and you are very good looking/pretty

Kids can be incredibly mean. They cannot understand the amount of long-term grief they may cause someone.
The names/negative qualities attributed to you by others, when you were a child, are potentially very devastating.

These friends/others who told you lies about yourself no longer carry any weight in your life now.
Do you think you might be able to consider what you think of yourself and your qualities and maybe work on overriding those "old tapes?"

When I was a kid, my brothers continuously told me I was "fat," "ugly," "stupid," and more. Not only was I deeply saddened by this, I became "phobic" about going out to meet friends, overall socialization, etc. It really affected me in a huge way, for many years. At some point in my life, I'd happened to see some pictures of myself when I was younger. I was not "fat." I was not "ugly." My report cards showed me I was not "stupid." I gave this a fair amount of thought, wondering if I could believe my own perceptions of myself over and above all I had been told by jerky brothers for many years. I'd made a concerted effort to believe in my perceptions of myself for a change.

One of the ways we get to "know ourselves" is through establishing friendships while we take note of what others are reflecting back to us. Present day interactions might tell us the former (childhood) cruel feedback is not true.
When we limit our friendships/interactions, we may not get the feedback we may need to better understand our many attributes.

Personally, I am thrilled to have a chance to interact with you, as we sometimes do, in an ongoing basis, when we both have the time to do so.
You are very intelligent, insightful, kind/compassionate, FUNNY, pretty, wise, need I say more?
I hope you can set aside those negative "tapes" of foolish children in a way, and at a time, most helpful to you!
I hope you can set those aside even if you decide to not increase your socialization. It's important to believe "newer"/"current" and much more accurate feedback instead.

I am sorry you were triggered today. I am around if you need to "talk," anytime.

Much Love and Admiration ~