Hey. I’ve had a pretty awful year with my mental health, struggling with self harm and suicidal ideation, but one of my worst traits are my feelings of worthlessness and low self esteem. There have been 2 instances with health “professionals” which have affected these issues further. The last one was only within the last week and I’m really finding it hard to get over it....

I was admitted to hospital and was seen by the medical consultant the following morning. He proceeded to tell me that I was a drain on the NHS and that if psych can’t do anything to help me then medical staff will then refuse to treat me as my condition would be similar to a terminally ill cancer patient. I already feel like I am wasting their time and that is why I advised I would like to discharge myself as although my bloods were still off, food and plenty fluids was going to be my only treatment from that point, which I pointed out I could do at home, but it was then that he said all this to me (in a room with 3 other patients).

So now I really do feel like a waste of space, like everything I already thought about myself has just been verified. I no longer phone ambulances (I’ve only ever phoned 2, which were life and death situations). I stopped calling as an ambulance technician told me somebody died because of me and the paramedic was busy saving my life. So now I also feel that I can no longer attend A&E when medically I should.

I’m really struggling with this and would appreciate anything you have to offer, and thanks for taking time to read this.

Take care xx