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TishaBuv · 08:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

It's not unusual for a male child to break ties and want to be on his own. Our children all get to a point where they no longer want to be under our thumb and feel they have to listen to us. This situation is far more than him no longer being under my thumb (if he ever even was at all). This is a total break from his parents for no reason. There were extremely hurtful things he did (via her) in making this wedding. I am now throughly convinced that the things they chose to do were not even their real goal, rather (her?) goal was to get rid of us. It was a ‘what does it take?’ And they did that.

Sometimes we teach a child unknowingly that its ok to stay with a partner you are not happy with. Sometimes they pick a partner we don't like and it could be how this other person has aspects of the things we don't like about ourselves. I have chuckled from the irony of someone probably making a snarky joke that he found a girl like Mom, a real B! I really don’t even know her tbh. When we have seen her, she never talked to us. If she talked at all, it was about Star Wars and she never directly spoke to me or made eye contact. Actually, she did once talk directly to my husband and me when she verbally assaulted us without our son there, telling us that he hates us and we are terrible parents, starting the drama that led to us not attending his wedding.She’s really the polar opposite of me. Maybe he loves her because he hates me? And I thought we were so loving and close. It doesn’t make sense to me at all.

What IS important is teaching your child to gain the strength to walk away from another person that makes them unhappy or is unhealthy for them. He broke up with plenty of prior girlfriends, including this one once before. He had many girlfriends and they all tended to be high drama, unhealthy, and made him unhappy. In this area I do feel guilty because he witnessed a relationship between me and his father that was similar in this dynamic. It's important to understand that often the one a child experiments on when it comes to this IS us the parent. Thing is Tisha, while it's hard to experience him distancing from you and ghosting you, he is learning how to do that and it may be the one thing that helps him walk away from this wife if she IS toxic and makes him unhappy. I pray he has the strength to end it with her if it is truly toxic for him.

Don't you think your son KNOWS that if his relationship doesn't work out you will open your arms to him even though he has distanced from you? Yes, we told him our door is always open. We keep reaching out to him. Last night at midnight we sent texts back and forth with our other two sons. My husband texted this son... again, ghosted with no reply to wish happy new year! WTH?Tisha, your son KNOWS you love him. IF this woman is isolating him so she can control him,This may seriously be the case. Very scary. it can take him time to finally recognize that and he will need to have some courage to walk away from her.

As far as your son distancing from your mother, well, you already know she can be toxic and you yourself have had to distance from her and basically ghost her. You need to admit though that you did play along with her game too. You know your son did see that.

He did witness my whole toxic relationship with my mother. But he also witnessed all the good that occurred with my mother. She lived close and visited often. She supported all his school plays, etc... She was more good than she was bad. I do feel guilty that I did voice my upset with her to the kids. They couldn’t help but see what was happening. But I never ghosted her. Once, we did not speak for a month last year and I thought she would never call me again, like she did in the past, that’s her game, but she did eventually reach out. I NEVER play the written off, disowned cruel game that she does and my kids know that. I never gave them the cold shoulder or silent treatment or threats of being written off. Our son just did this very thing to us. It’s even more hurtful when he knows how I suffered this and it caused me emotional issues. We did nothing to cause him to be cruel. Although we did not attend his wedding because he made it impossible for us to do so. Long story I don’t want to get into for several reasons. He did something far from the norm, something so offensive that directly humiliated our family. While we hated that he did it, we merely asked him to make it more tolerable for us to get through his wedding and soften what he was doing to not be so in our face, but he would not bend one inch. It was not important for him to have us at his wedding. This thing that normally isn’t even anything that a wedding is about was much more important for him to do than to have his parents there. It also doesn’t make sense unless the true reason was that he was brainwashed by someone who wanted to be rid of his parents.