How do I learn to tell the difference between being assertive and being nasty coz...on the rare occassions where I do be assertive...I beat myself up afterward for feeling I've just been nasty. I don't like to be nasty even when it may be classed as justified.

I'll give the only example I canthink of atm coz this one drives me nuts inside:

I've stopped using messenger to talk with friends coz...if I'm talking to one, I have my indicator set to busy or away to let people know I'm not available. But they knock me for a conversation anyway...then I end up flying between like four conversations getting very stressed and confused. But if I ignore them...coz I've already made it clear I'm busy...apart from the fact they get angry at being ignored...I feel I'm just being nasty but I'm sure some folks would class that as assertive?

So...how am I supposed to know the difference between what's being assertive...asserting your rights, needs whatever...or just downright nasty?

And just for the record I genuinely don't know how to tell the difference between nasty and assertive...in the same way that I had to be taught by my social worker that disciplining children is not abuse coz I was worried it was and didn't want to abuse my kids even one tiny little bit.

And sorry I'm waffling now.