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echoing · Jan 01, 2020, 09:16 AM

17 y/o female here. I hope this is the right place to talk about this. I've talked about this in the Teens' Lounge as well, but I think this might be a more appropriate place.

I think I have masochistic personality disorder? It's entirely self-diagnosed, but I do have reason to believe so.

Possible trigger:

I've indulged in self-harm, but never with the intention to kill myself. I've usually done so whenever I was stressed or extremely anxious. It made me feel in control and I kind of liked the pain. I haven't indulged in a while now. What makes me more concerned is that I seem to like the masochistic aspect of the BDSM world as well, even though I haven't engaged in sexual relations yet. I've discovered that I like the pain, the humiliation and having no control. And I guess I have rape fantasies, which probably have to do with my self-esteem issues.

I don't know how healthy all of this is, and I guess I'd just like some clarity. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Have a good day