Well, we got through the night Ok, we ended up having some amount of fun, but I really screwed up the other day.

I can't talk specifics because it's far too embarrassing, but I did something that has negatively effected a few people, including my husband, he's angry with me, and now I've pushed him away.

I really worry I am going to ruin my marriage. He says it even effects our sex life when I get worried and start questioning him. But he's always on his phone, the moment he gets home to the moment he goes to bed. We cuddle while watching tv and he's on his phone, but I get freaked by it.

I have got to get a handle on my trust issues. I've never pushed anyone away like this before. I've never been this bad before. My imagination goes wild, when it's not reality. I've got to get a grip!!! The last thing I want is to push my husband away from me, resulting in a divorce simply because I'm imagining the worst. It's really bad, and I feel out of control. Last night it seemed like this is the last straw.

I need a therapist. I don't even want to talk to my old therapist about this. I am so ashamed.