I appreciate your feedback MrsA. I did grow up in one of the strictest churches around this area. Some people considered it a cult, although there were also normal people too simply seeking God out too. But yeah, I had to unlearn a lot of things about this church.

I have a strong desire to find out what pleases God and what doesn't. I know a lot about other areas of life, but this is one of those areas that everyone else says, "in the confines of a marriage" is the only sexual activity that pleases God. I don't know though. Masturbation is so natural that like you said, if you're not hurting anyone or breaking any laws, there should be nothing wrong with that. Thank God for grace to guide us, even when we've erred, right?

I do believe, for myself, that if I was hooked up with another woman, that I wouldn't be really too open about the sex life we had to other couples or especially to strangers. It's a beautiful thing between two people to be enjoyed to the max. But if you start bringing other people into it you introduce the possibility of emotional risk.

Pornography is something I used since college years. And it was something that I still use today, but I don't need very much of it. My mind fantasizes about women I know, and if I can't get off I'll use porn to finish. I probably do this 3-4 times a week. About 15 years ago I was going to a Christian therapist and he said I had a porn addiction. I don't know if he was right, but if I did then, I don't now. If anything it's just a sex/love need.

All this to say that guilt still reaches into my conscience and tells me I'm a reprobate sinner who is forever lost. But I still pray to God, searching for him, confessing all my doubts and fears to him. I'm not ashamed to talk about sex to God. I think he wants to hear about it all.