If posting here can get you through that kind of moment you Rock! Good for you. I know the feeling you describe and the struggle. Believe me it is Worth it to tough it out and if you 'slip', just start over immediately, NO CONTACT.
(it helps to have a written (can never remember these things in 'the moment')
list of activities that you can do instead (or must do FIRST, long enough to travel over or under those waters...
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))

@Gymgirl71, you have to break the toxic addiction. You said these things last time and ended up with him again. You need to mean what you say and stick to it.