“IF I could get that unavailable, emotionally abusive man to just show me that he loved me, and bend over backwards with apologies and love, then I would feel worthy of his love and of anyone's love.”
^Yup, this is where it all stems from when you’ve had emotionally unavailable early childhood role models, alcoholics or not.

Hugely wise and insightful comments on this thread, but the reality of kicking this addiction is HARD.

Normally, I don’t suggest blocking people. But in your case I would block, unfriend, and delete his number so you can’t call him in a moment of weakness.

You can text him that this relationship is unhealthy for you, you are going to work on yourself and to not contact you again. Then DELETE HIM.