So apparently this is my 1st post here. It's a process that's for sure. I am such great need for answers I am going out of my mind. And my mental health (although certainly not good) is the least of my concerns. My whole problem in life is currently the life I live with my husband whose mental health is so skewed all over the place that I am reeling from it.I suppose I should try to give a synopsis of how our life has been since 2014. I'll try not to write a novel.
He is 58, a workaholic his whole life (construction). Long hours for 7-8 months/year then lay offs as we live in Northern Ny. This is normal for us. He saves money better than most. Frugal comes to mind. It's actually a flaw at times.
Built our home in our 20's. Has actually built many things in our 34 years marriage to the point we often miss out on fun activities...He bought family land 20 years ago after his father's death & I think that is where our troubles began. He built a huge Pole Barn big enough to hold tractor trailers, large boats or possibly campers. Just very big. He claims he wanted to go into his own construction business someday... I distinctly remember saying 15 or so years ago to my sister I was ashamed to go up there (5 miles away) because it was getting cluttered with all kinds of construction cast offs from his job sites. Paver bricks, crushed stone, 2x4's (with lots of nails in them), rebar... anyway, building debri of all sorts initially stacked as neat as his OCD nature allows...
Back to 2014... His mother dies from cancer at 83 in late 2013. He's sad. Sure. Loved his mother. He decided he might buy aFord Mustang. A special one. A 2013 new Boss 302. Beautiful & I encouraged him to do so as he literally drives vehicles for 20 years. This one was for fun. In Feb 2014 he began to get more anxious than usual. Couldn't focus. Couldn't make a decision. Was almost childlike. When it was time (April) he tried to go back to work with full support from his company. He kept panicking due to the severity of his anxiety. We started with our PP, but quickly needed to go to Psychiatrists. Medicines didn't help other than valium, but only for a little while. And Trazadone for sleep. But by late May he spent two weeks in mental health hospital. Pulled from work & our journey officially launched itself.
He is resistant to meds. Treated for depression with several anti depressants to no avail. Mood stabalizers too. On Aug 1 the Dr. prescribed Adderal & nhe felt better the same day. It took the full month to get back fully, but by the end of Auguest he was back to work & everyone celebrated with him. He was optimistic etc. By November I was beginning to feel on edge. He was acting very hyper. Talked faster. Aggressive. Loud, argumentative. And began bringing discarded things home from the job site. By Christmas I attempted to speak to his psychiatrist who wouldnt without an appt. I couldn't get in until after the new year where our insurance carries a $10k deductible!
To date, I have never had a worse year than 2015! He felt wonderful. Didn't want to waste money on a doctor when our PP was willing to fill scripts. He was only on Adderall at that time plus bp meds etc.He went to several auctions with all kinds of ideas. Spent $25k that year at them and our junk began to seep into our home. He also purchased 3 more Ford Mustangs! 2 were quite special and between $40k-$70k. Last was $25k. I was livid. In late Sept 2015 his older brother committed suicide & my husband found him. It was the last eventful drama of that year, but things seemed to calm down.
In 2016 He felt a sudden "doom" on a random February evening. Shared it with me a few days later, then round 2 of his Major Depression ensued. He insisted this one was different. He was never getting better. He ruminated all day, everyday over all the money he spent. Said he could never recover from it. We again went to Psychiatrists. He continued to be resistant to antidepressants. It again took until August to feel any respite. He stayed at work this time. He eventually felt better until winter of 2017. He spent whole winter laying around. Unmotivated. Never tackling all his hoarding. In summer he was full of energy & argumentative. Loud. Obnoxious & dragging more junk to the pole barn.
2018 was another down winter, and full of himself all summer long. I went for psychotherapy due to how hard it is to cope with him.
2019 he met my psychotherapist who met him in January (year ago) while down. Suggested to him as he ruminates that he has so much to do but too overwhelmed to get it done, to try NOT to bring anything home this year & tackle what is already there. Since 2019 just ended, let me try to write what all happened once husband began to feel good in May...
Began dragging stuff home from job site. Decided to build an additional 2 stall garage to house our cars. Decided to purchase a dump truck to go into business upon retirement. Bought another bigger dumptruck. Bought a skidsteer. In August decide he wanted his 1st new truck A Ford Raptor @ $65k. The garage never got completed. He was so angry all spring/summer he disowned each of our kids at least once. He was so hateful. No self awareness. Just nasty. He got laid off this year Dec 6th. By 8th he was laying around all day and so upset at all his actions, he is beyond consolable. Having anxiety attacks. And asking me how to get all this mess fixed......
I am hanging by a thread, wishing for weeks time could fly so we can reach our next therapy appt because I can not keep doing this!
My point to my novel, is why does medicine not affect him? He was discontinued from his imiprimine last July as it does nothing & prescribed Lamictal, which you guessed it. It has no affect at all! WHat exactly is my husband's diagnosis? HELP!!!!!