Thread: How To Move On
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Old Jan 03, 2020, 01:24 PM
KLL85 KLL85 is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2019
Location: The World
Posts: 278
Quote:
Originally Posted by here today View Post
When my last therapist terminated me 4 years ago I eventually discovered, after 6 excruciating months, that the feelings associated with her rejecting me had mimicked, or triggered, or unfrozen, or something, feelings that I had had in my childhood, associated with feeling unwanted, unacceptable to other women in my family. No particular event that I could recall, just the unbearable feeling.

Once that feeling became (slowly) conscious, I was in-the-bed depressed for several days, and in horrible shape for a month or so. I wrote about it all extensively on PC at that time, that was the only human contact I had about it for a long time.

If that is at all like anything you are experiencing, it will take time -- because it's not just this trauma, it's the ones from the past, too.

I think it could be argued that the therapist doing that opened a wound, like a boil or absess, that had been long covered up, like a surgery -- except that all she did was open that wound and there was nobody and no "therapy" around to help me "heal". It was all just what my body/psyche could do, or not do, and . . .I lucked out, maybe? I have lived to tell the tale, anyway.

I don't think my "wound" is/was all that uncommon. Maybe people who have good therapy early on simply get over things and move on. But once this retraumatization has happened . . . I hope it helps, some, to know it can be gotten over, somewhat. The loneliness is, for me, still a large part of the pain.
Thank you so much for this, it sounds like you have actually gone inside my head and pulled out some of my thoughts. At the same time I’m sorry that you can relate to the pain I’m feeling.
Feeling unwanted, unacceptable, unloved and uncared for are all things that I have discussed in therapy that have been caused by childhood experiences with my family and I guess you’re right, his broken promise of wanting to give me a completely different experience to that, one where I would be accepted and cared for is like being retraumatized.
It feels exactly like having an open wound but nobody is around to ensure that it ‘heals’ but it helps to know others have got through similar circumstances so thank you.
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear, here today, koru_kiwi, LonesomeTonight, precaryous
Thanks for this!
koru_kiwi