hey, this is my first post here. I am not from an English speaking country so I am sorry if I express myself grammatically wrong.

I have met with a T since May. I felt attached to her pretty quickly. I think about her so much, I wish I was special to her. I am an adult, over 30 years, have husband and children. Still, I wish she could take care of me and that she could give me something that I miss so much, but I don't know what it is.

It's not romantic, more like I wish she were my mom. I've never felt accepted by my mom. But my T can't give me what I want, and it hurts. I've been trying to explain some of it to her, and I think she understands. But we haven't talked much about it. I'm so ashamed of this feelings.

During Christmas I struggled a lot with anxiety and difficult thoughts. I haven't contacted her, but I've been thinking about her every day. It is so hard to pretend like this is nothing to me, that I don’t miss her, but I do. If I tell her this, maybe she will think that I’m crazy? That I’m stalking her? I am not, I have a busy life with small children but I miss her so so much. But I don’t know what I miss. I am just another patient for her. It is not fair.

Does anyone understand this feelings? Will it pass? I just wish that she could take care of me. This is not the first time I’ve felt like this. It has happened before with older women that I’ve admired. I feel like there’s something wrong with me but I don’t know what it is...