Wow!
I'm so grateful that Blue Koi (I think) directed me back to this thread. So many if us are experiencing this strange behavior. I believe all of you that you were conscientious and loving parents. If we had been uncaring it's likely we still would be.

My experience with parents who were neglectful and abusive is that their adult children tend to try to get the love from that parent as adults. Mine have done that with their father a d I've seen it with others. The parent (s) who love them are the ones they abandon.

My children and I and their children were very close and it did occur to me that they might need space for individualism.. I don't know the answer.

I'm newly returned to this forum but I wonder if one of you would be willing to start a group for estranged parents. We can discuss the complicated grief process and pros and cons of trying to make contact etc. Losing a child in this way is so unexpected and there is no script to follow.

Please let me know if one of you will start a group? I'm not sure if I can do so yet.

I relate to everything all of you have written. Th e guilt and shame and blaming my self. Thank you