Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch
I think I’m battling with what the concept of forgiveness actually means in the first place.
I always thought that if I use the words I forgive you to someone, it’s the same as saying it’s okay, don’t worry about it.
On the other hand would someone want to ask for forgiveness in order to receive it in the first place?
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Forgiveness can be accomplished without
acceptance and without condoning the bad behavior. You can even tell the person (if you are saying it directly to them), "I forgive you for it, but your behavior was unacceptable and not OK."
"... forgiveness does not mean acceptance. It never means saying it is ok what happened to you, or it was acceptable that someone hurt you. This is where people often get confused. You forgive someone for you, not for the other person. You forgive them as you don’t want to get sick or have that resentment clouding your life. It ends up being you walking around angry or sad at the person who hurt you, it ends up hurting you. The other person may have no idea or may not care what has happened so it often doesn’t affect them at all. So this is why you do it for you and you alone.
Acceptance is more accepting the fact that it happened. You cannot reverse time, you cannot change things that have happened in the past, all you can do is accept that it did happen and see what you could learn from it. It can be challenging to learn from negative experiences but there is always something that comes out of it that you can be grateful for. ...
Letting go is where you should end up at the end of the forgiveness process. You let go of any attachment to negativity about the event, to resentment about the event and to the event itself. You don’t hold a charge on the event any more. In other words you can think about it without getting overly emotional or having big reactions. You can think and talk about it like you were telling a story about someone else because you have healed it not because you are detached from it or numb to it."
Article:
The difference between forgiveness and acceptance - | WellBeing.com.au