I am a little confused as well, but it seems from your post that you want an open marriage? Without the sex? You want another sub besides your husband and he doesn't approve? Does he want you all to himself? Marriage is a love contract and a commitment between two people, but sometimes people agree to an open marriage with other people. It seems that's what you want? Is the freedom to have other people but he doesn't? It doesn't sound like a compatible marriage in this case, if you want different things. And you may grow resentful by not having what you truly want?