I thought about why I am doing it, but cannot figure out a solution to it
Honestly, I do it because I find it exciting to do sexual stuff with women I don't know, because there is much more mystery about them and their bodies (in a sexual meaning)
For me sex is like 80% fantasy in the mind and only 20% the actual thing of having sex.
I can't say I really enjoy that much when escorts, or different women that I don't know, do oral sex to me. But the fact to explore their bodies and arrive to that thing, is something that I find very exciting.
When I see a woman that I find attractive in the town/on the streets (so dressed) I fantasize about her in a sexually manner.
But after I discover all her body and do something sexually, I loose a good proportion of my interest.
I can maintain my interest maybe only if I develop an "lust" (getting "in love") period.
That I had with my fiance.
When I make sex (love) with my fiance, is only about the pleasure and our connection. I enjoy it and I find it sweet. But it cannot replace the excitation I have doing sexual stuff with woman I don't know. Nor doing sex with strangers for sure cannot replace the sweet sex I do with my GF.
That's why I cannot find a solution to this problem of mine. And I really think that regardless of which woman I can be in a relationship with, I would have did the same (probably not only in the honeymoon period if I am "obsessed", in a good way, over the girlfriend - but I know this honeymoon period doesn't last very much, it s impossible)
I am not at the point this is on obsession to me - I am with my GF for almost 10 years and I cheated like that around 20 times. i know it sounds much, but if we divide it's like 2 times a year - and usually only 20 min at that's all.
And I don't thing that much about sex or obsess about it all my time
But I think however there is a problem. I would had preferred that I am different, of course. I also fear to not do it even more often, I actually want to stop it completely.
To find new vision in my life instead of thinking that much about women
To make a family with my fiance and stop doing this strange things I am doing (to actually stop wanting to do them, to not think about this anymore)