Note to self: never post while undergoing ketamine infusions.

Obviously my relationship with her is complicated. In the lifestyle, jealousy has no place.

This has been an ongoing problem our entire marriage. When he drank, he accused me of cheating all the time, then when I took a special interest in a student of mine, he was jealous. I think if I'm going to stay in this marriage, I need to shut up about my feelings towards others. For what it's worth, I fell in love with him HARD. I knew the day I met him I wanted to marry him. I'm not sorry I did, i just want peace and I will never get it as long as I have any feelings at all about anyone but him. It only took me 27 years to figure that out.