I feel like I'm nearing to collapse and spiraling fall down and sometimes I can't deal with it.

Here's the issue: I know I'll die alone and never having a girlfriend or getting married, having kids and a build a family. I'm just hideous and of course no girl will ever like me or fall in love with me. I mean, I'm 25 and I've never kissed anyone and it's clear I'll go through life without experiencing romantic love and it has been hurting a lot lately.

Literally. Every time I think about it, that I'll never be loved I feel a sharp pain in my chest. When I'm out on the street or taking the bus or the subway from work and I see girls around my age or young couples holding hands, kissing or huggin kills me and I have to make a huge effort not to cry there (sometimes I can't) and wait until I'm at home. I can't sleep well either. I don't remember the last time I had a good sleep.I spend nights tossing and turning and crying until I fall asleep.

I'm going crazy? I can't take it anymore. I don't know what to do. Being alive and conscious is a nightmare. I love when I'm sleep because the pain stops. I just want to go to sleep and never waking up. Life is not worth living. What's the poing? To suffer like this until I die from natural causes? To being alone and suffering?

I wish to believe that there's more in life than falling in love and sharing it with someone and being partners in life. But I don't feel it. What I feel is a huge void and I haven't found something to fill it. I know love can't be replaced and if you want to experience it, you're done. And it's such a tragedy that the only chance I got at being alive has to be spent alone and not experiencing something that 99% of the people will. Why I'm not normal? Why I had to be born like this?

I don't know how to keep going. I just can't. I'm scared and I can't believe how my life has become like this. I don't know how this is going to end or if is there a solution. It is possible to kill the desire to want a partner? To stop having those feelings? I don't know what to do.