Gymgirl, you have not posted in a bit. Hopefully this doesn't mean you gave in and once again went back to this toxic man.
I posted the link to fawning because I noticed what I will quote below seemed to be a pattern with you.
Quote:
The more invested I was in an emotional connection, the less likely I was to criticize that person, vocalize when my boundaries were crossed, express unhappiness with their behavior, or share anything that I felt might damage that relationship…
It took stepping away from a friendship that had so thoroughly gaslit and demolished me — while plummeting into the deep depths of anorexia — before I realized that chasing controlling, emotionally unavailable, even abusive people was crushing my spirit.
I sought out the most emotionally inaccessible people, and I threw myself into the pursuit, somehow believing that if I could secure the love and affection of the most unattainable person, it would indisputably prove my worthiness.
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I think it's important to first see your pattern so you can understand it and work towards changing the unhealthy pattern where you never really get the kind of recognition you keep trying for.